If you're a dick, I will rip you off. Figuratively of course...

Hi. The first post had a lot better feedback than I expected, and a lot more views than I thought it would as well. I guess that means I should probably keep this going huh? Expect 1-2 updates per week. Follow the blog for notifications, otherwise just check my Facebook or Twitter to see what's up.

It was about 9AM on a Monday morning and I had been awake for about 90 minutes. I hadn't had my dose of caffeine yet and was in no mood to deal with anyone, let alone some middle-aged jackass wearing a suit he obviously got on clearance at Marshalls. The guy clearly had a superiority complex, probably because he's got his PhD online from some shit hole like the University of Phoenix.

This particular gentleman apparently did not realize that the combination of it being 9AM, being in a retail store, and my overall lack of motivation to deal with anyone was not a good mix. He obviously starts things off the right way by yelling across the store pointing at me and calling me over to him as if I were a dog. If you've worked with me before, or have experienced this first hand, you know that this is a big no-no. Reluctantly, I head over to him to see what Mr. clearance suit wants. "Dictation equipment." Are you fucking serious. It's a voice recorder you pompous douche. Don't talk like you're a walking thesaurus at 9AM expecting anyone to take you seriously.

Well, since I was already pissed that he did the dog call to me and was strutting around with his holier-than-thou attitude, I decided to mess with him. I played dumb for a few good minutes, pretending I didn't understand what he was asking for. He spouted off a few more nonsensical words trying to firmly show that he was my superior. Eventually I had enough of his act and brought him to his precious "dictation equipment". He begins to look at them and I start running my mouth for a change. Clearly I catch him off guard when I start speaking above his level of comprehension and I notice a look of confusion on his face. It's a glorious sight. I talk him in to the most expensive one, shove some accessories in his hands and then begin to discuss theoretical return on investment for the purchase of a service plan (which is a total ripoff) that he will be purchasing. I direct the conversation in a way that allows him to walk away thinking that he made a smart choice and that everything was his idea, when in reality I had complete control from the very beginning. He walked away spending $250 on a shitty voice recorder, a case, and a warranty. If he wasn't a dick he would have got everything he wanted and got away for $100.

Summary:

1. Don't be an asshole to someone that you need help from. (yay life lessons?)

2. If you don't walk around with a superiority complex you might not get ripped off. Then you can buy a suit that doesn't look like it was made in a sweatshop and then stored in your attic for 20 years.

3. I really can be a jackass, regardless of how early in the morning it is.

I learned in my marketing classes that reinforcing messages is good. Therefore, I will say again that you should probably follow me on Twitter. twitter.com/jessegodek Sometimes I post exciting things, usually not though. I'm boring. I'm gonna go make some Eggo's and watch Fringe now.

Hi, how are you?

How are you today? Honestly, I don't give a shit. You know I don't care how you are, I know when you respond "good, how are you?" that you don't care how I am either, but it's the accepted way of greeting a complete stranger. I figure that since that's what we've been conditioned to consider to be an acceptable greeting, that's how I'll welcome you to my blog. I've never done one of these before, so it will take a little while to get in to a routine with this. Deal with it, enjoy it, and share it with your friends.

I've worked in technology focused big box retail stores for seven years. I started as a 16 year old high school kid that had never had a job before and I've been stuck in it ever since. Sure, I went to college. I got a degree. I figured that I had my shit together and that I would be able to find a way out. I figured wrong. That happens a lot apparently. This blog is going to be about my retail misadventures and will probably include a bunch of other random happenings in my life.

To start things off, I'll discuss an event that happened the other day while working at Staples. 

It was around 1PM on Saturday when I was paged over to the laptop area to help a woman and her college-age daughter with a computer. As I was walking over I noticed that the daughter had one of those big poles that blind people use to guide themselves. "Not a big deal" I thought to myself, I've worked with blind people before so this shouldn't be an issue. I start talking to them and find out that the laptop is for the daughter that I had assumed was blind. I was confused as to why a blind person would need a laptop and had my doubts about whether she was actually blind. She didn't act like other blind people I have dealt with, she looked at me and at the laptop. Me, being the confused yet curious and devious jackass that I am, found a way to determine if she was actually blind without coming right out and asking. I grabbed a form for the laptop sale and asked her to fill out her information. Her mom looked at me and lightheartedly said "How is she supposed to do that? She's blind!" and then proceeded to fill out the information for her daughter.

Summary:

1. I'm a jackass and asked a blind chick to fill out a form.

2. I sold a laptop to a blind person, that's some serious sales skills.

3. I find all of this hilarious, which means I'm probably a terrible person. The mom and daughter were fun though and didn't mind, so maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am?

I hope I actually have the motivation to update this blog often. Follow it and I'll have more motivation to do so.

kthxbie